When the People Closest to You Feel the Furthest Away
There’s a story many of us are handed early on: that family is everything, that friends are forever, and that the people who’ve known us the longest will naturally love and support us the most.
But what happens when that story doesn’t match your lived experience?
What if family gatherings fill you with anxiety instead of warmth?
What if your oldest friends don’t really know you anymore—or never did?
These are quiet, often painful truths that many people carry. And sometimes, the hardest part isn’t the conflict itself—it’s the isolation that follows. The wondering: Is it just me?
Let me say this clearly: It’s not just you.
Stories We Inherit, Stories We Outgrow
We all grow up absorbing certain stories about how relationships should look: that loyalty means staying close no matter what, that good children don’t question their parents, that walking away is failure.
But the truth is, some of these stories don’t leave room for what you’ve actually lived through. They don’t account for emotional distance, repeated hurt, growing apart, or the complexity of being human. They ask us to stay silent, to shrink, or to perform closeness even when it costs us our peace.
What if you were allowed to rewrite those expectations?
When Relationships Hurt More Than They Heal
It’s not easy to say, “This isn’t working.” Especially when it’s with people who’ve been in your life for years—or who are supposed to love you “unconditionally.” But you can honor your experiences without having to demonize anyone.
Sometimes people are doing the best they can—and it’s still not enough to make the relationship safe or nourishing for you.
Sometimes the version of you that certain people relate to… no longer exists.
Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do for yourself is allow space.
Honoring Your Truth
When someone shares that they feel distant from family or disconnected from old friends, I don’t rush to offer solutions. Instead, I listen for the deeper story beneath the pain:
The adult who’s been parenting their own parents for years
The person who’s outgrown a friendship built on survival, not connection
The son or daughter who’s exhausted from trying to be “good enough”
The friend who’s tired of being the only one reaching out
These stories deserve to be heard without shame. They deserve space to breathe.
Finding or Creating Connection on Your Own Terms
What if connection doesn’t have to look like holiday dinners or lifelong best friends? What if it can be slow, intentional, and built with people who meet you where you are?
You get to define what meaningful connection looks like in your life. You get to decide who’s in your inner circle—and who stays on the edge. And it’s okay if that changes over time.
There’s no “right way” to do relationships. There’s only your way.
Closing Thoughts
If your relationships feel confusing, strained, or distant, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It might just mean that the old story doesn’t fit anymore.
And that can be the beginning of something new: a story where your needs matter, your voice counts, and you’re allowed to build a life that feels honest.
You don’t have to figure it all out alone. These stories are heavy, but you don’t have to carry them in silence.
With care,
Abbey Vince, AMFT
