Breaking up with Shame
One of the most common threads I hear in my work as a therapist is shame. It shows up quietly, often without invitation, whispering things like “You’re not enough,” “You should have known better,” or “You don’t deserve love until you fix yourself.” These aren’t just thoughts—they’re stories. Stories we’ve inherited, absorbed, and internalized over time.
But here’s what I want you to know:
You are not the problem. The problem is the problem.
This is one of the foundations of narrative therapy, and it guides the work I do every day. I help people separate themselves from the painful, often invisible stories that shame writes in their lives. Together, we get curious:
Where did this belief come from?
What helped it take root?
And what might life look like without it?
Working with Shame, Gently
One of the most powerful things we can do is externalize shame—begin to see it as something outside of you, not part of your identity. This shift creates space. It lets us talk to shame, question it, and slowly loosen its grip.
I often ask:
What does shame try to stop you from doing?
How have you resisted it, even in small ways?
What values are still shining through, even in the hard moments?
Finding Your Voice Again
When we start to step outside of shame’s story, your own voice gets more room to speak. It may be quiet at first, but it’s there—the part of you that knows you’re worthy, whole, and capable of change. Therapy becomes a space where that voice can grow stronger, steadier, and more self-compassionate.
This work isn’t about pretending shame never existed. It’s about breaking up with the idea that it gets to define you. You are so much more than the hardest parts of your story.
You're Not Alone
Shame can feel incredibly isolating—but you don’t have to face it alone. Whether you’re navigating shame tied to your past, your identity, your relationships, or the expectations you carry, I’m here to walk with you.
At Abbey Rose Therapy, I offer a space where your story is honored, not judged. A space where healing doesn’t come from “fixing” yourself, but from reconnecting with the parts of you that were never broken.
If you’re ready to begin breaking up with shame, I’d be honored to support you.
With Love,
Abbey Vince, AMFT
