Why Consistency in Therapy Feels Boring—And Why It's Actually Kind of Magical
Let’s be honest: “consistency” doesn’t exactly sound sexy.
It’s the oatmeal of therapy concepts. It’s not as exciting as a breakthrough or as dramatic as a tearful catharsis. But if you’ve ever had oatmeal every morning and realized it helped your stomach settle, your energy stabilize, and your body feel... just a little more grounded? That’s kind of what consistency in therapy is like. Not flashy. But transformative.
Showing Up When It’s Not Easy (or Interesting)
Here’s the truth from my cozy therapist chair: therapy doesn’t always feel big or deep or life-changing. Some weeks, you show up and talk about the same problem you talked about last week. You might even feel like you’re repeating yourself. (Spoiler: you probably are. And that’s okay.)
As a therapist who’s trained to listen for patterns and shifts in your story, I know that what sounds like “the same old stuff” often contains tiny but meaningful changes. The story might be told with a little more clarity. A little less shame. A little more hope. Or maybe this time, there’s space for a different version of you to speak.
Consistency Builds Trust—With Me, But More Importantly, With Yourself
Therapy is a relationship. And like any relationship, it takes time to build trust. If we only meet when things are falling apart, it’s like trying to build a friendship by only texting during emergencies. Consistency gives us a chance to slow down, get curious, and build something sturdier than crisis-mode coping.
And honestly? The real trust we’re building isn’t just between you and me. It’s between you and you. When you keep showing up, even when it’s awkward or boring or you have nothing “important” to say, you’re sending yourself a message: “I matter enough to keep coming back.”
That’s powerful.
Healing Isn’t Always a Plot Twist
We’re used to stories where healing happens in dramatic moments—a revelation, a big cry, a perfect metaphor. But in therapy, healing is often sneakier. It’s the third time you notice you’re setting a boundary. The week you realize you didn’t spiral as much. The conversation where you say something out loud that used to live in the shadows.
These changes often emerge slowly, and only when there’s enough space for them to breathe. That space? It’s created through—you guessed it—consistency.
What If I Don’t Feel Like Going?
That’s normal. Really.
Sometimes it’s resistance. Sometimes it’s burnout. Sometimes it’s just a long day and you’d rather eat nachos on the couch. Therapy doesn’t have to feel like something you want to do every time. Sometimes it’s just something you do, like brushing your teeth, stretching in the morning, or journaling even when your handwriting is bad.
And often, those “ugh, I don’t wanna” sessions are the ones where something important happens. Not always—sometimes we just talk about nachos. But even that matters.
The Takeaway
Consistency isn’t about being perfect. It’s not about always having something profound to say. It’s about showing up, week after week, and making space for the slow, gentle, not-very-Instagrammable kind of healing that lasts.
If you’re in therapy now and wondering if it’s “working,” keep going. If you’re considering starting, know that the most important part isn’t finding the “right” therapist (though that helps), or having a huge breakthrough. It’s just this: come back next week. And the week after that.
The magic is in the showing up.
Warmly,
Abbey Vince, AMFT
