Understanding Trauma Responses: Why Your Story Matters (And Why Comparison Doesn’t Help)

Sometimes, when clients sit down with me, they lower their eyes and say things like,
“I know other people have had it worse… I shouldn’t feel this way.”
And every time, I wish I could place a gentle hand on theirs and say:
“Your pain is real because it affected you. That’s enough.”

We grow up in a world that teaches us to compare everything — our success, our failures, our grief, even our trauma. But trauma isn’t something that can be stacked up on a scoreboard. It’s something we feel, something our bodies remember, something our hearts carry, often quietly.

And none of those things can be compared.

We All Have Different Thresholds

You only know the depth of your own life — your own heartbreaks, your own fears, your own wounds. What feels overwhelming to you may not to someone else, and that’s not because you’re “weak” or “too sensitive.” It’s because we all have different histories, different nervous systems, different stories that shaped us.

Think about athletes for a second — because I work with a lot of them, and honestly, they teach me so much about being human.

Two players can face the exact same moment:
The missed shot. The final loss. The injury. The coach yelling.

And one shrugs it off while the other is crushed.
Not because they’re dramatic.
Not because they “can’t handle it.”
But because maybe that moment hit a place inside that’s already tender.

Maybe it reminded them of never feeling “enough.”
Maybe it mirrored pressure they carried since childhood.
Maybe it activated an old wound they’ve never had the space to heal.

Same event. Completely different internal experience.

Your Trauma Is Real Because You Lived It

You don’t need to justify it.
You don’t need to defend it.
You don’t need to put it next to someone else’s story to see if it still counts.

It counts because you felt it.

Trauma isn’t about the size of the experience — it’s about its impact.
It’s the way your stomach drops.
The way your mind spins.
The way your body braces, even when you’re “fine.”

We all have a certain “capacity” for stress and pain, and that capacity is shaped by our past. If you grew up always on alert, or you’ve been through cycles of instability, your system might react more strongly to certain moments. That doesn’t make you wrong. It makes you human.

How Trauma Shows Up (Often In Ways You Don’t Expect)

A lot of people expect trauma to look dramatic — panic attacks, flashbacks, nightmares. But more often, it’s subtle. It creeps into everyday moments:

• Saying “yes” when you’re overwhelmed

• Avoiding conflict at all costs

• Feeling numb when you’re supposed to feel happy

• Working yourself to exhaustion so you never slow down

• Getting irritated quicker than you used to

• Feeling like you’re never doing enough

• Freezing when something feels too big

These reactions aren’t character flaws. They’re protective strategies your body learned along the way.

Just like athletes learn to brace for impact, push through pain, or react before thinking, your body learned its own ways of keeping you safe.

Body Memories Are Real — And They Make Sense

Have you ever noticed how an athlete steps back onto the court after an injury and tenses up, even if they’re healed?

That’s what trauma is like. Your body remembers the moments you felt unsafe, even if your mind says everything is okay. A sound, a tone of voice, a facial expression, a situation… something small can wake up an old alarm system.

It doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It means your body is loyal — sometimes too loyal — to what helped you survive before.

You’re Not Meant to Carry Your Pain Alone

If you’ve ever wondered:

“Why did this affect me so much?”
“Why can’t I just get over it?”
“Why am I the only one who reacts this way?”

You’re not the only one. You’re not dramatic. You’re not “too much.”
You’re someone who has lived through things that left marks — maybe invisible, but real.

Healing begins when we stop judging our reactions and start listening to them.
When we treat ourselves with kindness instead of comparison.
When we understand that trauma isn’t a measure of how strong you are — it’s a measure of what you’ve survived.

And you don’t have to survive alone anymore.

I’m here when you’re ready.
Your story matters. Your healing matters. You matter.

By, Abbey Vince AMFT