Are You Raising an Athlete...or Recreating Yourself?

One of the hardest parts of parenting is knowing when to push your child—and when to let them become someone entirely different.

I also think you should weave in your unique perspective early. Very few therapists can honestly say this:

As a therapist, I occasionally hear kids talk about feeling trapped in sports they never chose. As a Junior Lifeguard instructor and coach, I see the same story play out every summer—but on a much larger scale.

That immediately establishes credibility.

Then transition into something like:

The irony is that many of these kids are incredibly athletic. They have the genetics, the physical ability, and every opportunity to succeed. The problem isn't talent. It's ownership.

The dream often belongs to someone else.

Then tell the story without attacking parents.

The gray area

This is what makes the article interesting.

You aren't arguing that parents shouldn't encourage sports.

You're saying there's a line.

On one side is healthy parenting.

On the other is trying to recreate your own childhood.

You could write:

I don't think parents should simply let kids quit everything the moment it becomes hard. Sports teach resilience, discipline, teamwork, and how to fail without falling apart. Kids also live in a world where screens compete for every free minute, so there is real value in encouraging them to stay active—even when they don't feel like going to practice that day.

But there is another side of that conversation that we don't talk about enough.

Sometimes we aren't pushing because our child needs encouragement.

Sometimes we're pushing because we need them to love what we loved.

Then I'd bring in Junior Guards.

Every summer I watch parents who grew up in Junior Lifeguards try to recreate that experience through their own children. It usually comes from a good place. They remember the friendships, the confidence, the competitions, and the identity that came with the sport. They genuinely believe they're giving their child the same gift they received.

Sometimes they are.

Sometimes they aren't.

Then compare what you've observed.

What's fascinating is that I've also watched families who take a different approach. Their children still play sports. They still work hard. They still stay active. The difference is that the child has some ownership over the decision.

Those kids often show up differently.

They're excited instead of obligated.

Curious instead of resentful.

They aren't trying to protect a parent's identity. They're building their own.

The part I think will really resonate

As therapists, we often say children need autonomy.

Not unlimited freedom.

Autonomy.

There's a difference.

Kids need adults who expose them to opportunities they may never discover on their own.

They also need adults who can recognize when encouragement has quietly turned into pressure.

Then finish with the question every parent should ask themselves.

Before signing your child up for another season, ask yourself one uncomfortable question:

If I had never played this sport...would I still want this for my child?

If the answer is yes, keep encouraging them.

If you're not sure...

Maybe the next conversation isn't about whether they should work harder.

Maybe it's about asking what they actually want.

Warmly,

Abbey Vince, AMFT